What is a Tsunami Divorce?

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

English: Tsunami hazard sign

What is a Tsunami Divorce?

A tsunami divorce is one that completely blindsides a spouse, flattening him or her with a wave that was never spotted.  A tsunami divorce is characterized by a normal marriage and a normal life up until the moment of total and utter destruction.  The spouse that embodies the wave may simply disappear, abandoning their significant other with little to no communication or explanation.  Infidelity, substance abuse, and mental illness can all play a role in a tsunami divorce.  The causes of a tsunami divorce are rooted in the past and far away from the marriage.  These contributing factors lay buried beneath the placid sea of the marriage until they burst forth in a great wall of destruction.

What Are the Effects of a Tsunami Divorce?

A tsunami divorce catches the other spouse completely off guard; it is a shock and awe campaign that leaves the…

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I Reject Your Reality and Substitute My Own

This is an amazing piece on gas lighting and being controlled by another and having your reality recreated by a narcissist or sociopath. This is often what the alienator does so the alienated parent. The alienator tells the kids that the alienated parent doesn’t care, that their efforts are too little too late or that they are crazy!

Lessons From the End of a Marriage

In all of the pain after my ex husband left, there is one pain that stands out as more acute than the rest. After being arrested for bigamy and bailing out of jail, my ex decided to overdose on sleeping pills. It appeared to be a sincere suicide attempt, but he made sure to cover his bases in case he survived.

He composed and emailed a suicide letter to both his new wife and to my mom. I read that email while sitting outside the DA’s office waiting to meet the victim advocate. He was recovering in the ICU.

I felt reality slipping away as I processed the words that distorted the world I knew. In the letter, he speaks of me being “impossible to live with” and “negative.” He talks about my irresponsible spending habits and how I “just had to have my way” and he “couldn’t tell me no.”…

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My boys

I was so happy to talk to P today…My middle son who seems to have figured out he still needs me. My ex took them one by one from me after an awful divorce. He promised me and my best friend he would take my eldest from me and have his mother come help him look after the boys. He did just that.
It’s been 8 years since we divorced, and despite joint custody and joint guardianship, the boys all live with their father . He has remarried and together they are doing whatever they can to obliterate me from the boys’ lives. My eldest was 12 at the time of our divorce. He is now in his 19th year, and although he is very inconsistent in reaching out, he still does. It’s been a brutally painful process but I am living proof that staying in touch and praying for their hearts to return does work.
My ex took them out of the country for two weeks over Christmas . He didn’t ask and acted unilaterally and above the law. He is the most unkind man and his hateful actions are relentless. Having depleted most of my bank account on court fees, and him ensuring the boys say, “we don’t want to live with you”, I decided to stop the legal process . It just didn’t work for me as so many others in my position have confirmed. Their voice must be theirs if that is what they say. …. Not because they are scared and their father is the most manipulative, punishing yet charming man to be confronted with. He is in control and knows how to play with their heads. He even promises fame to two of my boys who play in a band.
His tactics are varied and his commitment to keep them from me unrelenting. He has called me delusional, crazy, poor, in front of the children. He had told me in front of them, “the boys are leaving you the way you left your mother.”
The call from P tonight after two and a half weeks of not seeing him due to the school break, lifted my soul and warmed my heart. I am doing the right thing. Not putting them in the middle of a tug of war. P was smiling, seemed tired but was very engaging and loving.
This contact will go away as it always does but always to return, as inconsistent as that may be. Thank you P, for reaching out. Thank you for missing me because you know I miss you… And you still remember me… Your mom…. Now to continue reaching out to the other two who haven’t answered my texts in days…..never give up! I raised you and your hearts will always remember…